Written by: Aunty Anne Parents Station
When a man and a woman meet, get to know each other, and fall in love, they then get
married and start their own family. Husband and wife promise to love and respect each
other regardless of the circumstances, and their marital relationship naturally becomes the
foundation of the family.
The arrival of children completes the family structure, but also makes the situation more
complex: from the original couple relationship, it evolves into parent-child and grandparent-
grandchild relationships. When facing the well-being of the children, everyone has their own
opinions and positions, and blending them is not an easy task.
If we think carefully, we will understand that although husband and wife are the same two
people, the two roles have different needs and considerations. The addition of a young child
makes the couple cautiously take on the parental identity, which is laborious but also filled
with sweetness. Infants are fragile and dependent, so parents naturally focus all their
attention on protecting and caring for the child, inevitably neglecting the needs of their
partner and even themselves, which is understandable.
However, the all-encompassing protective net that parents cast during the infant and
toddler stage does not recede as the child grows up, allowing the child to forge their own
path in life. Modern families idolise the children and let them dominate the family’s
operations, overshadowing the spousal relationship. Spouses can no longer get the
understanding and gratitude they expect from each other, and the relationship gradually
fades or drifts apart. In this ironic situation, the “third party” that harms the marital
relationship is the couple’s own child.
Worse still, a harmonious family relationship is the most important element for a child’s
healthy, happy, and positive growth. Facing the discord between parents, children are often
dragged into this vortex, trying to balance the relationship and shouldering emotions that
do not belong to them. Children do not know how to handle and release these worries, and
their emotions and behaviours will develop problems, but parents can only ask the children
to focus on their studies, thinking this is the children’s responsibility. Children, however,
worry all day long that the family is falling apart, so what’s the use of studying! This is a vivid
portrayal of the modern family issue.
“Parents should be closer to each other than to the children,” to implement the original
intention of building the family through mutual understanding and love. Remember that
children are only temporary guests in the family, and one day they will leave the nest to
establish their own homes. In the end, the husband and wife will only have each other left,
so cherishing the partner and not forgetting the original intention are the keys to
weathering the ups and downs and walking together until old age.